The power of anger

As a result of trauma, feeling and expressing anger can be extremely difficult, Auke Smit, holistic visual artist and anthropologist, knows from personal experience. At the same time, feeling angry in a healthy and safe way (through)expression is also an important part of processing. In her blog, she shares tips for working with your anger. 

Anger is a painful, powerful, and complex emotion. When it overwhelms us, we often want to push it away, ignore it, or forget about it. But in its purest form, it is also a healing emotion: a call to self-respect that makes us aware of our limits.

In my personal journey of processing (complex) trauma, feeling and expressing anger is still quite difficult. And that’s not surprising. Many people with early childhood trauma of childhood trauma They have experienced anger up close and have learned that it is a dangerous emotion. Because of this, they may also have difficulty distinguishing between healthy assertiveness and aggression at a later age. Setting healthy boundaries then evokes feelings of guilt and shame.

Suppressing anger

Even when physical or verbal violence is not part of your trauma history, for many people who grew up in families where it was not acceptable or safe to express feelings, it has become second nature to suppress their anger. If you have learned that expressing anger leads to rejection and loss of attachment, you grow up into an adult who cannot say no and cannot adequately protect or communicate their boundaries.

And even though you have a lot of trouble expressing your anger, that doesn’t mean it’s not there. It means that you are suppressing your anger. And you have probably become so skilled at suppressing it that you don’t even realize you’re doing it. The anger is suppressed so quickly that you don’t even have the chance to register it.

What happens to your anger?

Anger, like any emotion that is not resolved, changes and becomes more intense in another form. Here are some signs that may indicate hidden anger:

• Excessive irritability
• Sarcasm, cynicism, light-mindedness
• Often sighing
• Laughing while you're in pain
• Frequent disturbing or frightening dreams
• High muscle tension, which automatically manifests itself in clenched jaws, facial contortions, fists clashing together, teeth grinding, crampy foot movements, or other physiological symptoms that usually occur unconsciously
• Delaying behavior
• Chronic depression.

Healthy channeling

As adults, we can learn about the dynamics of our childhood and the traumas passed down to us by previous generations. By understanding and recognizing that we are not broken but traumatized, we can begin to heal and explore the power of our anger by becoming emotionally mature.

Actively channeling anger in a safe and healthy way is essential to express the energy of the pain of the past and thereby release it from the body.

There is a distinction between anger from the present and anger from the past. Both of them require a different approach.

1. Anger in the here and now

First of all, it is important that we learn to recognize our anger as an emotion that arises in the present and how we can deal with it in a constructive way. Emotions contain information for us, and through our rational mind we can decipher the message and take the appropriate action based on that information.

In its purest form, anger is a call to self-respect. When you experience anger, it is your responsibility to determine which boundary has been crossed and how it can be restored. By recognizing when you are angry, then determining which boundary has been crossed and then finding a healthy and constructive way to restore the boundary, the anger will naturally subside.

     2. Old pain: anger from the past

The second form involves pain from the past. As you come to recognize your wounds and the ways in which you were (emotionally) abandoned or abused by the people who were supposed to protect you, you inevitably begin to experience intense feelings of anger. This is a vulnerable but necessary part of the healing process of complex trauma and is part of a grieving process.

Pete Walker, the author of the book Complex PTSD – A practical guide for overcoming childhood trauma writes about it that mourning the shortcomings from our childhood is an essential part of reclaiming important parts of ourselves.

Shadow work

In order to be able to express your anger, you need a safe place to feel and express the child’s pain. This involves shadow work: the anger is not directed at the person who caused the trauma, but at the embodied perpetrator who takes on the form of a venomous inner critic.

By standing up to this internalized ‘abuser’, anger is prevented from turning into shame and helplessness. You can learn to shift the blame to where it belongs and stand on your own side again instead of against yourself. In this way, you maintain the healthy ego function of self-defense.

Setting boundaries

Being able to set internal boundaries in this way is essential to learning to set boundaries in the outside world. Pete Walker says that anger strengthens our ability to say ‘no’ and helps us stand up to abuse, both from within (that is, the attacks of our inner critic) and from others. The process begins primarily in relationship to ourselves.

According to Walker, expressing anger must go hand in hand with expressing sadness by crying. When anger and crying are out of balance, this hinders recovery. Many people can only express their emotional pain by getting angry. Their sadness seeps through as an irritable mood and they become angry when they feel any emotion, such as fear, humiliation, or sadness. Alternatively, they suppress their anger and can only express their emotions by crying, which can lead to a sense of helplessness and self-pity.

If you would like to read more about this process, I recommend the book by Pete Walker. Complex PTSD. A practical guide to overcoming childhood trauma