What is your experience with trauma?
‘When I was eleven years old, my mother and two brothers – to put it neatly – had to travel to heaven. While I was sleeping, domestic violence escalated into a crime committed by my mother’s then-boyfriend. From that moment on, everything was different. It’s as if you jump into a different movie all at once, landing in a different reality. Not only within yourself, where you suddenly have to deal with scary thoughts, but also outside of yourself.
‘Before it happened, I lived in a world with a superhero who was also my guardian angel: my mother. She was a single parent and, despite growing up with little money, she managed to ensure that we could eat well every day and that there was clothes to wear. She always knew how to get some cheap board games from somewhere and helped me on the street when I was out of it or hurt. She was always positive and loving towards me and my brothers, while at the same time having to deal with her relationship problems: arguments and physical violence.
‘My father wasn’t in the picture, so I completely relied on my mother, and suddenly she was gone. Just like my brothers. Why wasn’t I included? I asked myself. Could I have prevented it? Everyone who looked a little suspicious could trigger me. I had a lot of nightmares with flashbacks. Fear of going out, even though I did go. Fear of sleeping and of waking up and then having something happen. It was the first time I experienced all this and it all happened at the same time.’
How were you taken in afterwards?
‘Shortly after the loss, I heard that I was allowed to stay with my aunt and three cousins. That brought me some comfort. My aunt, the sister of my mother, became my new superhero from that moment on. It was very helpful that I was allowed to live with her. In retrospect, I understand why: my aunt, who was also grieving the loss of my mother, dared to show her emotions, even when things were a little less pleasant. At the same time, she lived for us the idea that no matter how difficult the circumstances are, you can always try to make the best of it. I think this is what helped me to be able to see the whole situation as part of my path quite soon after the loss of my mother and brothers. I accepted that this was the way it was and that I had to get through it.
‘My complaints, like the heavy nightmares – actually just movies that kept playing over and over again about what had happened that particular evening – persisted. But thanks to my aunties’ open and positive attitude, I felt that everything was allowed to be there and that I could handle it a little better. dealing. The teachers and teachers at the school have also contributed to my resilience.’
How did they do that?
‘By making me feel that I was still just Danny from the moment I returned to school. And not just that little boy who had lost his mother and brothers. Master Taco is a good example of that. He asked all the children every morning how it was going. When he came by my table, I told him that everything was fine. But of course, that wasn’t the case at all and he could see that too. Yet, Master Taco always took my words as truth. ‘Okay Dan, good that everything is going well’, he said. ‘You can always come to me if there’s anything.’
‘I found that so nice. Master Taco gave me the control over when I wanted to talk. When it came to emergency response, I was always sent to places where I had to talk, but not because I wanted to. It was just broadcasting. The other person didn't say anything about themselves. Zero connection. How can you have the feeling that you are being seen and heard?
‘Later in my life I discovered how important that is. When you feel that you matter – sometimes a genuine smile from a stranger at the checkout counter is enough; your self-confidence grows. And self-confidence is the core of resilience. Really, one percent of self-confidence is already strong enough to let you face challenges with more courage and to better deal with everything that comes your way. Resilience is within every human being. It has a kind of spark that you have to ignite. But if you don’t have the spark around you to help you grow your self-confidence, it will never ignite.’
How did you get so fired up?
‘It went quite organically. After living with my aunt for a few years, I was able to build a stable foundation with a fantastic, loving foster family. As a kid on the street, I could also level with almost everyone in high school, but emotionally I was still very closed off. I was in my own world dealing with the demons in my head. Around my twenties, I started to get out of that by writing down my feelings and thoughts and making rap music. Actually, that was my real therapy. By rapping, I could finally verbalize what I felt. I could express my story and talk to my mother through the music.
‘At the same time, I started to reflect. I still had a lot of anger inside me. Actually, I often thought that the perpetrator had put me in a kind of mental prison. With all those demons in my head; those thoughts of fear, victimhood, and revenge. One day the idea came to me that I might even become the warden of the prison. That I wasn’t completely overwhelmed by those annoying thoughts and feelings. What if I no longer fought against them, but actually hugged them?, I thought a while later. Then I began to realize that all those thoughts and feelings, which had felt like tormenting demons for years, were actually the little Danny inside me. The eleven-year-old Danny in me. He just wanted to be seen and heard. From that moment on, I started talking to him. During the lockdown when I was suffering from burnout, that reached a kind of peak.’
What exactly happened during your burnout?
‘It might sound strange, but it felt as if I was being split in two. Into a grown-up Danny and a little Danny. There was more distance between us. I talked to the eleven-year-old Danny – in my head and on paper – about all the things he was still dealing with, and we solved them together. For example, we discussed his revenge fantasies. I listened to his feelings and ideas about it, but I also explained why revenge is a bad plan. Little Danny said that he couldn’t forgive the perpetrator. I can’t either. But we both found acceptance. I hope that the perpetrator will overcompensate when he gets out. That he will be a good person by helping as many people as possible, preferably millions, who are stuck in their lives. That also helps me because it is also my goal to help others.
‘Since I’ve solved everything with little Danny, I feel very free. I hardly worry anymore, have no stress, and I don’t get stuck anywhere. The nightmares I used to have sometimes have also disappeared. I feel happy and grateful that I managed to get to where I am now. With my girlfriend and our one-and-a-half-year-old son. Mentally, my system is now so strong and well-organized that I feel unstoppable It’s as if—just as the night I lost my mother and brothers—I’ve stepped back into another timeline.’
3X favorites of Danny
Book recommendation
Body language - Patryk and Kasia Wezowski
‘I read this book around the age of 22 when I was working part-time as a research assistant in medicine. It has greatly expanded my understanding of human nature. Since then, I have been able to read others well. The book has also taught me how to consciously use my body language to connect with others and how from there I can convey my message consciously. It has contributed to making me the person I am today.’
Source of inspiration
Flinkie
‘The little Danny you see here as a cartoon character is the little me. When I found myself stuck at home during the coronavirus pandemic with a burnout, I talked to him a lot. Out of his desire, my company Flinkie Enterprise was born. Through his desire, I help children and young people grow in resilience through fun and connection. What inspires me about Flinkie is that he dreams big and just does it.’
ChargerÂ
‘I recharge myself with people and activities that give me more energy than it costs me. For example: being creative or having beautiful conversations with people. Those conversations can be about life, philosophical or just a lazy day of lounging around. Connecting with other people also gives me energy. Giving someone a smile spontaneously when I meet them on the street or making a joke in line at the checkout. And the beautiful messages I regularly receive from people who are inspired by my story. Those are also real lifesavers.’
