In this article by Annelies, a physician and expert by experience, you will find several examples that can help you regulate yourself. The examples were contributed by people with lived experience surrounding trauma.
The information about the Window of Tolerance it helps to understand how your system responds to stress and threat. This article refers to that.
Am I dysregulated?Â
First of all, it is important to even be able to notice that you are dysregulated. This sounds very simple, but it can sometimes be quite difficult. Sometimes you are so used to a dysregulated state that it has started to feel like ‘normal.’ Or you get so sucked into it that you can no longer keep your distance and no longer fully realize that you can do something yourself to improve your state.Â
Two states of disorder
Too much tension: hyperarousal
The condition where you have too much tension in your system is also called hyperarousal. You can then feel very tense, restless, anxious, or angry. Your body has you fight-or-flight response activated, which can cause you to have the urge to take action and do things. In this state, your body is often tense and you may hold the belief that the world is a threatening and/or frightening place.Â
Too little tension: hypoarousal
The state where you have too little tension in your system is also called hypo-arousal. In this state, you can feel very flat, shut down, numb, or absent. Your body has engaged the system of passive freeze and collapse. The world can feel empty or alienated, and feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and loneliness are common. Your body feels limp and energeless, and you can dissociated be.Â
More about this topicÂ
- The Window of Tolerance
- Trauma and the nervous system
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It is useful to distinguish between a state of hyper-arousal and hypo-arousal, because these states both need something different. To your system, too large a change in tension often feels unsafe. Going for a run when your body feels paralyzed, for example, is too big a step. If you know which state you are in, you can align with it.Â
- Is there a lot of energy in your system? Then it is important to use this energy and discharge it in a safe way. For example, by going for a walk, something creative to do or to clean. It is usually not helpful to try to do something very quiet like meditation at the moment when you are very restless.Â
- Do you feel absent-minded and listless instead? Then you will want to gently get a bit more energy back into your system. With an emphasis on gently. If you go too fast, for example by giving yourself a kick in the pants and going for a run anyway, this is often too big a shift for your system. You might feel better for a bit then, but this is usually not lasting.
- There are a number of things you can do that may be helpful in both situations. For example, reaching out to someone else or listening to music. Often, the nature of these activities is slightly different.
What tools can you use when you are dysregulated?
You prefer to gather as many practical tools as possible, so you can try different things and choose what best fits the moment. It may also be that multiple things are needed at the same time to help you feel calmer again. Reaching out to someone and going for a walk, for example.
There are actually no miracle tools that help a hundred percent right away. Give yourself and your system time.Â
Learning skills when you feel well
Below are some examples of tools you can use, divided into the two states of dysregulation. Gather the things that suit you and help you. It is important to know that you cannot teach yourself new things at the moment you are truly dysregulated. No matter how much you want to, your brain is simply not capable of it.
Therefore, choose tools that you have already mastered by the time you are dysregulated. You can expand your repertoire at times when you feel good. Then you can teach yourself new skills that you can subsequently also deploy when you need them to change your state. In addition, it is also nice to discover things that ensure you also continue to feel good.  Â
- Go for a walk or a run
- Exercise, strength training, power yoga
- Active cleaning job or tidying up
- Walking up and down the stairs
- Dancing
- Singing along loudly to music (tip: when you're feeling good, try making a suitable playlist for this)
- Yelling or cursing out loud—you can do that into a pillow, too
- Talking/calling with someone
- Someone you can vent your feelings to
- Punching a pillow
- Playing with someone else or with a pet
- Chewing/biting on a teething ring/carrot/...
- Breathing exercise where you exhale longer than you inhale
- Doing something fun together with someone
- Scratches on a sheet of paper
- Watching TV
- Game
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- Listening to music that you enjoy (tip: create a playlist for this situation)
- Moving to the Music
- Quietly singing along to a nice song
- Watching videos that you enjoy, or rewatching videos of fun moments (tip: create a folder for this on your phone)
- Going outside for a walk or to spend a little time in nature
- They drink tea
- Taking a warm shower
- Meditate
- YogaÂ
- Breathing exercise where you inhale longer than you exhale
- Go somewhere where there are people
- Send a message to someone, arrange to call
- Planning something fun
- Petting a pet
- Holding a stuffed animal
- Turn on TV/radio
- To smell something delicious
- Eating something with a sharp taste, for example chewing on a peppermint
- Drawing
More about this topicÂ
- What is trauma?
- What are the consequences of trauma?
- Trauma and the body
