Many loved ones of people with trauma symptoms feel guilty when they do something for themselves or enjoy something, while their loved one is having a hard time. At the same time, many people with trauma symptoms often experience guilt towards their loved ones: that they are a burden or that they are putting too much pressure on the other person. For both of them, this can be a heavy burden. It helps to realize that this feeling often plays on both sides.
Important to remember: feeling guilty as a close relative does not mean that you are actually guilty. You are not doing anything wrong if you experience pleasure while your loved one is unable to at that moment. Sometimes that does feel that way, and that is okay. The feeling doesn’t have to go away immediately; by acknowledging it and allowing yourself to feel it, it can often become somewhat lighter.
Try to make your feelings more discussable with your loved one. For example, you could say that you find it difficult to take action for yourself, but that it also gives you energy and is important to you. In this way, you share what’s on your mind and increase mutual understanding. Sometimes, it’s enough to simply say that you feel guilty, without needing to immediately have a solution or make a different choice.
Peer support can also be very helpful. Other relatives often recognize these feelings exactly and can offer you acceptance and understanding. The realization that you are not the only one struggling with this often makes the burden a lot lighter to bear.
