Behavior that appears unhealthy or destructive on the outside – such as substance use, eating disorders, or hurting oneself – can be a way for someone with trauma to cope with overwhelming feelings. To the outside world, this may sometimes seem incomprehensible, but for the person who does it, it can provide temporary comfort or relief, or even feel like a way to survive.
What can help is jointly exploring what precedes it. Often it is a trigger or a sense of insecurity. By talking about it without judgment, there is space to understand what is happening and what function the behavior serves. Simply naming what you see and how you feel about it can be supportive for both of you.
Don’t try to judge the behavior, but remain curious about what lies beneath it. This attitude creates space for openness and greater safety in the relationship. Sometimes professional help is needed to learn new, less harmful ways to deal with tension and emotions. Your role is primarily to stay close and to show that you are willing to listen.
